Falling off the wagon...and finding the strength to get back on once again
By Christy Beauchot Smith
One of the reasons the last article was so hard for me to write, was because by the time I sat down to complete it for publication, I had passed that “keep moving forward” phase. 
I had been keeping notes along the way, and felt good about the point I was trying to convey, but what was missing was the true, real-time emotion. My mistake was to not finish the article early, while the momentum was there. Instead, I waited until it was closer to publication date and tried to sum up all of my notes into one motivational page.
What wasn’t reflected in that article was that for two weeks prior to writing it, I hadn’t been feeling like myself. I’d been going through the motions of life. I had been feeling on top of the world and ready to conquer it, but something changed. I wasn’t depressed (yet), but I also wasn’t happy. It started to show up in my workouts, as well as my life outside of the gym. I wasn’t giving it my all with Jason, and I was letting more junk food slip into my daily life at home. Not much! But apparently it was just enough to keep me hooked. I would eat two dove chocolates one night, and then maybe a handful of chips the next. This was practically rabbit food compared to what I used to eat on a regular basis, so I convinced myself that I was still doing well.
Then, out of nowhere, I was off the wagon. Heck, I couldn’t even see the wagon anymore. I was depressed and tired and frankly just didn’t care about anything. I suspect my thyroid is playing a large part of this. But whether or not my thyroid needs tweaking, one thing is for sure… I need tweaking.
I can’t keep turning to junk food for comfort when things seem hopeless. I can’t give up the one thing that is helping me, exercise, every time I’m feeling down. But, I truly haven’t figured out how to fix that part of my addiction yet. When things are great and I’m seeing results and life is good, I am in control. Or so I think. But how in control am I if everything falls apart the second things aren’t “perfect.”
The worst was when I had to call Jason two days in a row and cancel our workouts. The first time I had a legitimate excuse. I was tired. Two crazy kids kept me up all night and I woke up barely able to keep my eyes open. But was that a legitimate excuse, really?
The second day I just honestly didn’t want to expose anyone to my Debbie downer mood. Again.
I had planned on writing an article about how I had finally lost 8 pounds, 8 inches, and 2% body fat. After all, isn’t that the logical next step? Write an article about how I haven’t lost anything…keep moving forward, and then do one on how after sticking with it, I finally succeeded.
But as I sit and type this, those don’t feel like successes anymore. I feel like that will all go away in a matter of days if I keep this repetitious cycle of eating to cover my feelings. Nothing will change until I change myself.
If I’m learning anything, it’s that no matter how secure you feel in your successes or how afraid you are of your failures, none of it matters unless you keep fighting. Things can change in a heartbeat. Are you prepared to face them?
For me, I believe it’s all health related. I believe something is going on that is causing this roller coaster. I will be making some changes shortly that should affect both my physical and mental health. Who knows if it will be the right answer, but it’s better than no answer.
Christy Beauchot Smith is the owner and creator of www.dipstickspretzels.com. She and her husband, Mark, are the parents of two sons, Jacob and Joshua. Once in awhile, you'll find her behind the counter at Quilts & Ladybugs in downtown Columbia City.