Call me when Santa tries to wear a Speedo...
Ok. It is 7 p.m. on Sunday, December 9 and we’ve officially reached the point of rediculousness.
I just heard on the evening news that there is a regime to put the jolliest of elves on a diet. Can you believe that? A diet? For Santa?
Indeed, there are some who believe that his portly plus-sized proportions are sending a bad message to children. Somewhere a campaign is apparently in motion to tighten the belt, trim up the body and thereby, in some way, impact the overall health and level of childhood obesity in the country.
Do they really believe that by being large and in charge, children are going to strive to look like him? Really. Ok, so I’ll begin to worry when eight year olds start donning red, fur-trimmed suits, dye their hair white and attempt to grow facial hair. Just as those are not trends I expect to see sticking, I don’t anticipate that there is a child standing in front of a full-length mirror somewhere, trying to envision his gut extended. There is, probably, unfortunately, a child standing somewhere trying to suck their stomach inward in hopes of looking more like less wholesome, less flattering personalities. Are we actively doing anything about that?
Expecting a guy who has been around hundreds of years (albeit a bit more rounded in the last century or so) to trim down in the name of being a role model seems obsessive.
Santa is a big man. He’s larger than life. And just as children aren’t as likely to seek the hug of a skinny teddy bear, I think we can all appreciate a few more pounds on the old guy. Besides that, he’s in good company as someone pointed out on the news broadcast. After all, Frosty the Snowman, the Grinch and even the Easter Bunny are a bit, as those I know call it, “fluffy.” If we’re going to take it as far as taking pounds of Santa, should we also shrink down the giant Thanksgiving Day parade blimps so that they can more easily fit down the streets?
I suppose that if people really are concerned about Santa and his diet, and ultimately the health of our citizens, a better idea might be to encourage the nation’s children to leave healthier snack options on the plate with the requisite cup of milk. Maybe instead of a sugary frosted Christmas cookie, Santa would do better with some celery sticks or broccoli florets. That’s reasonable. That might actually help.